so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
