Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
