i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Shame - the story of my life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
