Can Purell be used as lube?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
