I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's blow job season.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
