after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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