Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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