I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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