I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
