yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
