I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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