My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
