last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
