youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
