You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
