Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
