CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
