Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
