Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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