I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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