Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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