it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
