He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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