I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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