blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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