Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
