I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just high enough for therapy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
