It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
