I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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