dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
