May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Are my feet made of real feet?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
