I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
