I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
