I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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