I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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