I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
