Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
