Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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