He is such a slut. More and more my type.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
