his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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