Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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