Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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