she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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