Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You can't special order awesome
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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