how can u be prego again
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
