I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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