Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
