We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
