I hate your face
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
