i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize