He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
