Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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