If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
