she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
