Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize