Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
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