I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
