I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I can feel your judgement through the phone
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
