Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
