she looked like the before picture.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
