you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
