don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
