I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
