He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
