Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
