I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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