The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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